Advise from HRs memory

 

 

 

 

Alright, so I have had some time to think back and reflect on my younger years, now that my oldest has graduated high school and looking to make HIS mark on the world.

And I have come up with a few words of advise to pass along to the next generation…

 

#1. When the officer says “get down on the ground now !” and adds “OR ELSE!” Just get down, the or else part friggin hurts A LOT.

 

#2. While skateboarding, water ski style behind your best buddy’s pick up truck driving down the road at 60 mph, make sure there is enough rope that if he slams on the brakes and skids to a stop, you have time to go around the truck instead of through the back window. AND wear a helmet.

 

#3. If at all possible in your growing years try your best to NOT sleep with your best friends sister OR his mother. that really puts a strain on a friendship.

 

#4. While out for a fun filled evening with your buddy, do not get the bright idea to drive 2 states away in a 2 seat er car with 2 husky guys, 1 beanpole skinny mother-fucker and a miniature claustrophobic hulk boy with a bad temper and a short fuse. (the blood stains never come out of the upholstery)

 

and

 

#5. When shit doesn’t seem to go quite right and you think there is no one in the world who would understand, remember there is always some one who will just listen and not try to fix you.

 

and last but not least there is one more small tidbit of advise i shall pass on before saying byby

 

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Good luck everyone.

4 leaf clover, where are you?

Ok first of all,

HAPPY ST. PADDY’S DAY TO ALL OF YOU.

Moving on. As most of you are aware, H.E. Ellis and I are family. We have 3 not too bad kids together and seeing as her and I see them as the most important people we know, we use ALL the holidays to get together. Call it required family time. So anyway, HE follows her Italian roots as most of you know. What you may not know is that she is also a bad Irish cook. Welcome to hell, pull up a seat and get comfortable. St Pat’s day is…well, an Irish holiday, in which there is drinking, games, fighting and cooking. HE is good at 2 of these; games and fighting. Drinking however is a passed out time for her.

People say that if a butterfly flaps its wing in Asia there is a wind that blows in NH (or something like that). Well the other way to look at HE’s drinking is, if a bottle is opened all the way out on Mars, she is drunk as fuck! Now on to the cooking.

I would have sworn that there was no way that a glass cooking dish would ever break under regular use, but her Irish themed dinner caused a 11″ x 9″ glass casserole dish to take its own life. I shit you not!

Now understand this is the same dish I have used thousands of times with no issue. I have dropped it from the sink on its side after washing it. NOT A CHIP. She, on the other hand was making potatoes to go with dinner and prepped the taters ok. Put them in the dish, ok. Placed them in the oven, ok. Removed to stir, now wait…   removed them placed them on the stove, turned and picked up 2 plastic spoons, approached the 1/4″ tempered glass casserole dish, I swear it looked at her and the fucking thing EXPLODED. I shit you not, the fucking thing took its own life as if to say, “You do not follow your Irish traditions, I will have no part of this, Goodbye Grandma, I love you” and fucking exploded.  I wouldn’t have believed it if I weren’t there to see it for myself.

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As far as dinner is concerned,

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 Just like Christmas.

Sorrow and Tears

Today is a very sad day indeed.

I lost one of my closest and dearest friends.

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He has been there for me without fail.

When I’ve had a bad day and just need someone to talk to.

He was there.

When I’ve come home with good news and wanted to celebrate.

He was there.

When I was sad and didn’t want to say anything at all.

He was there.

When I needed him after I hurt myself doing something stupid.

He was there.

When I felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders.

He was there.

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I now commit you to the ground forever.

Rest assured you yourself will never be replaced.

I will always Cherish the memories that we had.

But as you well know, I am not one to sit still long.

If you where still here I’m sure you tell me to move on.

So moving on, here’s my newest friend.

(He probable wont be here long either)

till next time

(I have no idea when that will be)

Going for that “SPARKLE” Award

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Ode to SparkleBumps,

How do I lust for thee?

 Let me count the ways…

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1, Face to face

2, The amazon

3, The arc

4, The armchair

5, The deep one

6, The fusion

7, The hammock

8, The mill vanes

9, The mirror of pleasing

10, The put under one

11, The screw

Oh you can just pick up the book

till next time

Happy Presidents day

Ms. Ellis requested a photographer for the post she published this morning.

I showed up late for the photo shoot.

This is what I got.

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I need a new watch.

till next time

Looking up insted of forward

Ever wake up in the morning saying today is going to be a good day?

Only to realize that watching the sun coming up  just burnt out your retina.

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Ok so I have decided to try learing outside the box.

I wanted to start with chinese.

this was my homework.

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I dropped that class. Maybe next year.

till next time

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Just do it

Look out in the world there is a bunch of daily crap we all have to deal with. That rings true with us all, whether it’s a job that gets in the way of your true passion, or its a pain in the ass boss that just doesn’t get it, or even your car wont start when your running late for work.

you can always count on the comfort of a warm blanket and a good book.

A book can get you to laugh, smile or cry without trying then that day can end on a good note. Or page as it where. No matter how bad it gets a good book can take you anywhere. So love your books, live your life and drift away with a good story.

 

Tomorrow brings another day

and the smartass sarcastic Honey badger loving

HR

will be back, but for tonight, read well

 

1-1-12 news.

*******************Breaking News*********************

3 GREEK GODDESSES FOUND DEAD TODAY IN WHAT SEEMS TO BE A MASS SUICIDE.

Reports coming from an inside source at the FBI indicate that three bodies were found today in the penthouse at Trump Towers

They have been identified as the Greek Goddesses:

Aphrodite, Hestia, and Athena

Aphrodite was best known as the Goddess of love, beauty and desire.

Hestia was best known as the Goddess of  the hearth, home and cooking.

Athena, The goddess of wisdom, warfare, battle strategy, heroic endeavour, handicrafts and reason.

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There were approximately 6 different prescriptions, empty booze bottles and a note on the table in the main room.

We have received a copy.

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We now release these mortal bodies to the pages of history and make way for the new Goddesses to take our place.

Ms. Megan can now take her spot as  HESTIA the goddess of hearth, home and cooking.

Ms. SparkleBumps, is now open to receive the name APHRODITE, and become the goddess of love, beauty and desire

and

Ms. Ellis, is free to receive the gift of becoming ATHENA, goddess of wisdom heroic endeavors and reason.

So raise a glass and drink of the wine.

blessed be to the new.

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There shall be a press release later in the day as to the relationship between these decided and the names mentioned.

Police are now searching for Ms. SparkleBumps, Ellis and Megan.

Reports state that Ms. Bumps was last seen being lowered from a large tower,

Ms. Ellis is believed to be tormenting the internet and blog world from an undisclosed bunker somewhere in North America.

And according to her family, Ms. Megan was seen blending in with a pack of tigers completing research for an upcoming book.

If you have any information regarding the whereabouts of these ladies please inform your local police department.

NEXT!!

Welcome my new year, Kiss my ass 2011.

The future is a opertunity, the past is an education.

I plan to take the new year with a smile, I will not cry about the past.

I will have a new view on the 2012

I will drink for fun not to forget the past.

I will LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE.

I will LIVE through-out the year.

I will LAUGH at whats funny.

I will LOVE as much as I can.

and

I will talk to you later.

12/26 the day after

Ok, so way to go day after Christmas; the cleaning, the picking up, the hangover.

Way to go 12/26. Back to work I go, listening to all the drama, the “I didn’t get what I wanted!” sniffles and bitching. “My mom and dad didn’t get the right color I-pad.” This coming from a 27 year-old man. Suck it up you little bitch before I slap you into puberty. Oh my god you’re frigging 27 years old, you can only work part-time because you’re too wrapped up in your own little world to realize that your little sports car import tuner isn’t as bad ass as you think. Just because your exhaust sounds like a pissed off swarm of bees and your “system” can blast you out of your seat. I don’t fucking care that your mommy got you the wrong fucking color ipad God damit. And if I yell at you because you’re complaining that you have to work for 15 fucking hours a week I WLL HAVE TO HIT YOU! Your parents should have tossed you out on your ass long ago, so do not get testy with me you little shit. I will not be picking up after you, I will not be wiping your ass, and I will not be giving a shit about you in the up-coming…well, forever. So please, for the love of God, if you’re over the age of 23 and complaining that the gift you got from your parents was the wrong color or anything trivial like that, remember you’re fucking lucky you have parents that get you anything at all SO BE GRATEFUL and say thank you and for Gods sake SHUT THE FUCK UP!