Words you cant unsay

H. R. NIGHTMARE

Ms. Megan hey Ms. Megan.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!

Yepper, That’s right folks, it IS in fact the lovely Ms. Megan’s B-day today (or yesterday ) (or tomorrow )
You know what it doesn’t matter…

Raise you glasses and wish this fine, strong, amazing woman a VERY happy birthday and recognize that this world is a better place for those of us that know her.

I thought long and hard on this Birthday wish and seeing as drinks where the topic I could find no better one then a sweet, yet fun-loving one I bring to the table.
( I was a waiter once btw. )

I give you the

Sweet Ms. Megan

Now this is what you do…

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Ingredients:

For Tequila Daisy Cocktail:

2 ounces high quality Tequila Blanco

1 ounce triple sec

2 tablespoons lime juice

For Strawberry Fool:

6 ounces fresh strawberries, hulled and diced

1/2 cup heavy cream

1/4 cup plus 1 tablespoon granulated sugar

1/4 teaspoon fresh lemon zest

3/4 teaspoon freshly squeezed lemon juice

1/4 teaspoon vanilla extract

Directions:

To make cocktail: Combine the tequila, triple sec and lime juice in a cocktail shaker and strain into small tumbler until glass is about half to three-quarters full. Top with a generous dollop of strawberry fool and garnish with one strawberry top.

To make fool: Combine strawberries and 1/4 cup sugar in a small saucepan, stirring until berries are well coated. Using masher or the back of a large spoon smash strawberries to a pulp, leaving only a few small chunks remain.

Place saucepan over medium-high heat and let cook, stirring constantly until just before boiling point, about 6 minutes. Stir in lemon zest and bring mixture to a full boil for about 2 more minutes. Remove from heat.

Skim any film or foam off of top of mixture and discard. Transfer syrup to a heatproof container and cool to room temperature before chilling in refrigerator for 20 to 30 minutes.

In the meantime, whisk heavy cream in a large metal bowl until soft peaks form. Continuing to whisk, add remaining tablespoon of sugar to cream. Fold in vanilla extract and whisk for a few more minutes until stiff peaks form.

In a slow and steady stream pour cooled strawberry syrup into whipped cream, continuing to whisk until desired color and consistency is reached.

Serves:

1
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tequila-daisy-cocktail-recipe

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Now no screwing around… get to drinking..

and if I found out you haven't raised at least one toast to her today.. heaven help you because I sure wont. I WILL find you, because there is NO more deserving person on this earth.

Love you
From this guy across the pond.. named HR 🙂
keep smiling Megan, It makes the rest of us stronger.

April 15, 2013 Posted by | real world, Uncategorized | , , , , | 13 Comments

Eduardo Hotspurto and Salma Hayek’s Pizza Gone Wrong

You think you know Edward Hotspur? Well sit back and let me tell you a tale. Now some of you may know that Eddie here used to be a Pizza Delivery Bitch. I bet you didn’t know that he had secret dreams of being a porn star too? (but fell short). That’s right, he’d lay in bed, dreaming of the real life day when someone opened the door for pizza but asked for his pepperoni instead, not knowing all he had on him was a cocktail wiener (tell me again whose idea it was to invite me to this thing?)

Anyway, one day Eddie got lucky and managed to score a delivery to none other than his dream girl, Salma Hayek. Even though she ordered a vegetarian pizza, little did she know what she really got was double meat. He was so excited he almost fell off his bicycle.

Twice.

You can imagine his surprise when she came to the door in nothing but a slinky, silk nightgown. In a near perfect Spanish accent he said, “Hello, my name is Eduardo. Did you order a pizza, extra meat?”

“No,” she said, wrapping her robe tight around her. “I wanted a vegetable.”

Smiling wide he said, “Well, I was the smartest in my class, but I’ll fake it for you.”

“I do not understand,” Salma said, backing away slowly. “Why do you say you bring me meat?”

Believing this to be a cue, Eduardo Hotspurto dropped the pizza and then his pants. Pointing to his junk he said, “All women love HOT sausage, and I’ve got one that SPURts and is guaranteed to satisfy…”

Salma burst out laughing, but was intrigued none the less. “Alright, Gringo, I will give you a go. Why don’t you step inside and I will let you toss my dough.”

With that, Eduardo Hotspurto shot a load in the air like a rocket, nailing her right in the eye. Eddie was dressed and on his bike before Salma even knew what hit her. As he peddled down the road the sound of his semi-erect pecker smacking against the tire reminded him of baseball cards in the spokes and he promptly:

CLICK THE PIZZA BELOW IF YOU WANT EDDIE TO EAT A POUND OF BACON WHILE CRYING EMO TEARS OF MAN PAIN OR…

PIZZA

CLICK THIS PIZZA IF YOU WANT HIM TO TURN GAY AND BEGIN COLLECTING RAINBOW PISSING UNICORN FIGURINES

PIZZA

AGAIN, WHOSE BRIGHT IDEA WAS IT TO INVITE ME TO PARTICIPATE IN THIS THING???

 

January 9, 2013 Posted by | practical jokes, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

All you writers are the same. :)

All you writers are the same.  :)

The ” Chair ” that all of you sit in. Yes you are all the same. Haha just joking. I respect you all. Seeing as now I too am published. Ya-HOO mofo. Read this NOW!!! Or not you choice, but later you’ll regret not doing it..

http://heellisgoa.com/2012/12/25/iconic-interviews-the-book/

And if that don’t quite float your boat… Well Piss-off,

No wait come back I’m sorry you know your the one for me, try this instead…

I’m in this one too.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B0093QL5F6/ref=redir_mdp_mobile?qid=1346766306&ref_=tmm_kin_title_0&sr=1-2

Aaaaggggghhhh shit… I’m one of you…
When the hell.
You know what screw it, I’m good.
That was a close one. Luckily the JD kicked in or there would have been a mess here.
Ok check em out.
Kisses and a kick in the nuts. Love y’all.

December 28, 2012 Posted by | Uncategorized | 15 Comments

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g0IwpRzWL_4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g0IwpRzWL_4

I can’t even describe the level of über awesome this is. 

Check it out.

December 14, 2012 Posted by | Uncategorized | 1 Comment

So true

So true

December 12, 2012 Posted by | Uncategorized | 4 Comments

Facial Foolishness

Song of the day…Soy Guapo 

I’d like to use my blog post today to draw attention to a little known affliction affecting less than 1% of the population. A disease that both I and my good friend El Guapo suffer from. A disease called Chronic Handsomeness.

Chronic Handsomeness strikes men in the prime of their lives and its effects are devastating (mostly to the women who encounter carriers of the disease). Studies suggest that genetic factors make certain individuals more susceptible than others, but there is no evidence that Chronic Handsomeness is directly inherited. Symptoms of Chronic Handsomeness are unpredictable and vary from person to person. Most suffer from conditions called, Raw Jock and Yallwantmyjunkicitis. 

Men with Chronic Handsomeness are not contagious and just being next to a handsome man or taking pictures while standing next to him will not render you afflicted. Most people with Chronic Handsomeness learn to cope with the disease and continue to lead satisfying, productive lives filled with lots and lots of sex.

Don’t pity us, people. We are just like all of you.

Feliz Cumpleaños, El Guapo

TO SEE WHERE IT ALL BEGAN VISIT MOMMA RED DWYER BY CLICKING HERE!

December 6, 2012 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , | 17 Comments

Go ahead… You know you want to touch it…

http://heellisgoa.com/2012/08/25/and-the-super-secret-project-is/#comment-7857

 

 

 

 

 

 

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WAITING FOR???

 

 

August 26, 2012 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Because I can …

August 15, 2012 Posted by | Uncategorized | 16 Comments

THIS IS NOT PORN… or funny

Hey you. Yeah you, the one looking at this screen right now thinking,“there’s nothing to do. I’m so bored. I wish there was a way I could do something and make a difference.But what CAN I do??”
Well lucky for you I’m here now and I’m gonna tell you what you’regoing to do..

You are going to follow this link:

http://heellisgoa.com/2012/07/27/have-a-heart/#comment-7434

and help out some people that wake up before the ass-crackof dawn and hit the hay well after we have our last night-caps.

Not only do these fires affect livestock and farms, but Iwant you to stop and think for a second.
WHO else does this affect??

Well I’ll tell you……all of us. From the farmer, to the trucker, to the market and everythingin-between.

So please, help out if you can. If not moneys for donations, thenlist them in your nightly prayers.

 

 

Thank you.

I now return you to your regularly scheduled search forinternet porn..  happy hunting..

July 27, 2012 Posted by | Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Advise from HRs memory

 
 
 
 
Alright, so I have had some time to think back and reflect on my younger years, now that my oldest has graduated high school and looking to make HIS mark on the world.
And I have come up with a few words of advise to pass along to the next generation…
 
#1. When the officer says “get down on the ground now !” and adds “OR ELSE!” Just get down, the or else part friggin hurts A LOT.
 
#2. While skateboarding, water ski style behind your best buddy’s pick up truck driving down the road at 60 mph, make sure there is enough rope that if he slams on the brakes and skids to a stop, you have time to go around the truck instead of through the back window. AND wear a helmet.
 
#3. If at all possible in your growing years try your best to NOT sleep with your best friends sister OR his mother. that really puts a strain on a friendship.
 
#4. While out for a fun filled evening with your buddy, do not get the bright idea to drive 2 states away in a 2 seat er car with 2 husky guys, 1 beanpole skinny mother-fucker and a miniature claustrophobic hulk boy with a bad temper and a short fuse. (the blood stains never come out of the upholstery)
 
and
 
#5. When shit doesn’t seem to go quite right and you think there is no one in the world who would understand, remember there is always some one who will just listen and not try to fix you.
 
and last but not least there is one more small tidbit of advise i shall pass on before saying byby
 
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Good luck everyone.

June 28, 2012 Posted by | real world, Uncategorized | , , , , , | 29 Comments