Do NOT read this post

What a way to come back right..

okay okay, so yes I’ve been out of touch for a little while doing this and that, blash blah blah…

But I just couldn’t stay away forever.
I mean really, WHAT whould your life be without me??

I know most of you where out there saying to yourself whenever something funny happened.. “Oh where is HR for this”

like the time you went half the day watching a guy walk around with a dried booger on his tie, and each time he looked at you, you gaged.
Yes you gave him a complex and now he sits in his moms basement typing away on his computer all day long visiting bl… you know what we are just going to move on to more funny.

Alright so its spring time, most places anyway, and the weather is warming up, and the birds are coming back and
I’M STUCK IN A GOD DAMN OFFICE ALL FRIGGIN DAY WITH ONE SMALL ASS WINDOW THAT TED (THAST SON-OF-A-BITCH) GETS TO LOOK OUT AND NOT ME!!!!
But I’m ok with that.

Really,?? did you all think that I was the kind of guy that would sit inside on a warm and sunny day??
I’M FROM NEW ENGLAND MOTHER-FUCKERS!!! We only get, like 3 maybe 5 sunny days a year. I’m getting my rock hard ass outside.

(okay so maybe not so much rock hard as pliable, but I blame the fast food, chips ((the fri kind, hi Megan)), energy drinks, hot dogs, and the lack of exercise
booze, and candy, for the current condition of my ass.)

Sorry. What was I talking about?? oh who cares.

NEXT FUNNY PICTURE..

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Really?? even SHE don’t give a shit about your level.

NNEEXXTT !!!!

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Oh HR.. You sneaky basted you got me with that one.. says EVERYONE
hahahaha

just trying to keep you on your toes..
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Okay that’s the last time I try to gross you out…

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HAHAHA..!!! I cant believe you fell for it again… SUCKERS!!!
Alright alright I’m done… for now.
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Go home already…. unless you got booze, then come on in and have a seat.
No really go away.
No don’t really come in , get out.
Leave this place.
Remove yourself from here before I get pissed.
LAST WARNING!!!

okay that’s it now you’ve angered me.
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I’m getting MY gun.
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Have a what ever kind of day you want to have.. DO IT!!!

Haha moment or oops wrong story

As I sit here in my rustic log cabin in the woods listening to the sound of only snaps and crackles being omitted from my fire place, and the sound of the clicking of my keyboard wondering what to put on the blank screen of mine.
I allow my mind to be released and wonder with the flickering fire light of the room. Amazed that it seemed to find a place long lost of my childhood and the things I wished to be when I reached adulthood.
Needless to say a smile came across my face as I indulged in the kid dreams of my little world and then it dawned on me…
If I don’t wake up and get my ass out of bed ill be late for work… Again.

Yea I don’t have a log cabin in the woods, the only fire I play with I must make fly and create art and unfortunately my childhood dreams have not really come to pass.

Yep this is my life but it’s nice to remember the good things from time to time…Like my kids..

My kids are kind, loving and proud.

Kind… Willing to do whatever needs to be done to help others that may not be ready to help themselves.

Loving… Able to see past flaws and enjoy a person regardless of where they come from or where they are.

Proud… Proud to be called a friend, proud of the things the have accomplished and will accomplish. Proud to be a leader rather then a follower. Proud to be themselves regardless of what the current “fad” is.

So in looking at these terrific people that call me dad maybe, just maybe I have completed my childhood dream after all.

I wanted to raise kids that where better people then I was.

Mission accomplished.

Dreams for filled.

Now I need new dreams.

New dreams filled with heart, compaction, faith and caring.

And maybe with a little luck…A cape.

Because let’s face it, every dreamer dreams of having a cape.

But all my dreams are unknown.

now onto the funny…
A little while ago it was mentioned to me that “fast food” joints or ” flipin burgers” was the down fall of the current economy.. well I have news for you…

seeing as fast food has been around a long, long time as seen here..

Now many will think that this is completely impossible but its true.
Even if today it seems to be a little more like the evil twin brother asking…

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I have to admit,
it is still way, way better then..

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now seeing as the down fall was not created by joints like this..
We still need to have a little understanding.
See if your not carful you may run into this situation and not know what to do,
like..

and there is no unseeing that let me tell you..

Now still more to come.

Ever wonder what would happen if you crossed 2 time lines like…. THIS…

yea that’s right I did that, and you looked..

ok so at this point I’m supposed to say something funny and cleaver and blah blah blah ..
I’m just going to throw some funny up here. laugh it up chuckles..

Hi Tom.. hahaha..

SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY !! WE BRING YOU BATTLE BUGS…. WE WILL SELL YOU THE WHOLE SEAT BUT YOULL ONLY NEED THE
EEEEDDDGGGEEEE !!!

OKAY one more and then get out you free loaders…

I bring to you the perfect chuckle moment..

ready?

set..

just kidding go away.

good night my ladies and gents of the world and don’t forget to tip your waitress..

Eduardo Hotspurto and Salma Hayek’s Pizza Gone Wrong

You think you know Edward Hotspur? Well sit back and let me tell you a tale. Now some of you may know that Eddie here used to be a Pizza Delivery Bitch. I bet you didn’t know that he had secret dreams of being a porn star too? (but fell short). That’s right, he’d lay in bed, dreaming of the real life day when someone opened the door for pizza but asked for his pepperoni instead, not knowing all he had on him was a cocktail wiener (tell me again whose idea it was to invite me to this thing?)

Anyway, one day Eddie got lucky and managed to score a delivery to none other than his dream girl, Salma Hayek. Even though she ordered a vegetarian pizza, little did she know what she really got was double meat. He was so excited he almost fell off his bicycle.

Twice.

You can imagine his surprise when she came to the door in nothing but a slinky, silk nightgown. In a near perfect Spanish accent he said, “Hello, my name is Eduardo. Did you order a pizza, extra meat?”

“No,” she said, wrapping her robe tight around her. “I wanted a vegetable.”

Smiling wide he said, “Well, I was the smartest in my class, but I’ll fake it for you.”

“I do not understand,” Salma said, backing away slowly. “Why do you say you bring me meat?”

Believing this to be a cue, Eduardo Hotspurto dropped the pizza and then his pants. Pointing to his junk he said, “All women love HOT sausage, and I’ve got one that SPURts and is guaranteed to satisfy…”

Salma burst out laughing, but was intrigued none the less. “Alright, Gringo, I will give you a go. Why don’t you step inside and I will let you toss my dough.”

With that, Eduardo Hotspurto shot a load in the air like a rocket, nailing her right in the eye. Eddie was dressed and on his bike before Salma even knew what hit her. As he peddled down the road the sound of his semi-erect pecker smacking against the tire reminded him of baseball cards in the spokes and he promptly:

CLICK THE PIZZA BELOW IF YOU WANT EDDIE TO EAT A POUND OF BACON WHILE CRYING EMO TEARS OF MAN PAIN OR…

CLICK THIS PIZZA IF YOU WANT HIM TO TURN GAY AND BEGIN COLLECTING RAINBOW PISSING UNICORN FIGURINES

AGAIN, WHOSE BRIGHT IDEA WAS IT TO INVITE ME TO PARTICIPATE IN THIS THING???

 

Facial Foolishness

Song of the day…Soy Guapo 

I’d like to use my blog post today to draw attention to a little known affliction affecting less than 1% of the population. A disease that both I and my good friend El Guapo suffer from. A disease called Chronic Handsomeness.

Chronic Handsomeness strikes men in the prime of their lives and its effects are devastating (mostly to the women who encounter carriers of the disease). Studies suggest that genetic factors make certain individuals more susceptible than others, but there is no evidence that Chronic Handsomeness is directly inherited. Symptoms of Chronic Handsomeness are unpredictable and vary from person to person. Most suffer from conditions called, Raw Jock and Yallwantmyjunkicitis. 

Men with Chronic Handsomeness are not contagious and just being next to a handsome man or taking pictures while standing next to him will not render you afflicted. Most people with Chronic Handsomeness learn to cope with the disease and continue to lead satisfying, productive lives filled with lots and lots of sex.

Don’t pity us, people. We are just like all of you.

Feliz Cumpleaños, El Guapo

TO SEE WHERE IT ALL BEGAN VISIT MOMMA RED DWYER BY CLICKING HERE!

If your offended by what your about to see, please call 1-800- get your head out of your ass it’s meant to be funny dill-hole

As most know, and I have stated WAY more than once I do not write well so I hide behind pictures and poke fun at, well everybody.

So to bring a smile to a few faces out there I look around the internet quite often and most of the day from my phone, Every so often I take a break from the normal sites where they know me on a first name basis and look at things OTHER then porn. Because lets face it, I’m still a guy. So I find these little haha moments in hopes that some one, some where will get a chuckle from them. So here we go kiddies hold on to your hair piece, Its gonna be a bumpy ride…,

TONIGHT THEME IS

THE MILITARY

Thats right the armed forces from all over..

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AND LAST BUT BY NO MEANS LEAST…

A MOMENT OF

SERENITY

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If I have caused ant undue issues in this post, well I really don’t care cause

I AIN’T HERE TO HELP.

good night, god bless and all that.

no really get out, leave, vamoosed, remove yourself from my air space, WHY are you still here? Do you understand you being here now at this moment in time is causing a paradox that will never be corrected… move people, I can not stress enough that at this exact moment in time in a parallel universe you are standing to close to that annoying car alarm, which in there universe is considered rock-n-roll and they do it to dance, but that’s not the point. Look I have been pretty nice up to this point but am starting to get angered. FINE, FINE your still here reading this at least do me the favor of taking a look at this if you insist on staying..

DO NOT CLICK ON THIS

you just had to be that guy??

Up side to a bad day :)

Some people say ” there’s always a silver lining “

Some people say “look on the bright side “

I have even heard it said ” the glass is half full “

I thought to myself ‘ self these people are right. You just need to look around a little and find something good that you can look forward to.’

So I did and what I found was I will never need this …

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Oh yeah and I almost forgot

Hey Karma,

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Now wether your a mile or 2000 miles, across the street or across the pond. Keep smiling because if you dont..

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By the way I just got a new web cam. This thing is great too. 

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So as you can see, its not just, theres a silver lining, or the glass is half full or even that there is a brighter side to look at, at all.

Its the ability to make someone smile.

oh no seems that i’m

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ok i’m over it, so where was I ???

So its ok to have srong feelings for people and things, there was a time awhile back I asked for imput from everone on the … well you remember,

anywho I figured there are certin things its ok to openly admit… like me because…

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Ok kids thats enough for tonight sweet dreams to you all

NOW

Welcome back H.E. :)

Ok, so there has ben a presence missing out here in Blog-land.

That would be the notorious

H. E. Ellis

(hellis for short) or (pain in the ass)

I would like to be the first to welcome her back on this “top secret” road trip of hers to visit the home land of your first book entitled

Gods of Asphalt

As to inspire her second book she has entitled

(Title not yet completed) but we all just call it

Book II (2) that was for the non romans out there.

Her trip, from what I hear, was wonderful. She was able to stick to the outlined road map pretty well.

Here was the trip out to

Valentine Nebraska

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Now I know it seems a little askew from What one might do, But you have to realise a trip like this takes a lot of planning and time to visit the important things like.

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********Pictures to be inserted at a later time*********

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Now on the return trip the route that was taken was a little different from that of going out. See all the trips all over the east coast that she has takin, she never ended up see in the Great Lakes of these fine United States. there for she was able to catch a glimpse of not only Motor city, by the fine Great lakes as well. her return trip looked something like this.

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So again I would like to welcome H.E. back and I hope you will too.

Seeing as the pictures from the trip still need to be downloaded from the camera, and some slight editing to be done. Those will have to be a post for another day. ( She really is not a good picture taker)

Untill next time, Watch where you go (or dont) cause you might just find your there already.

Listen up kids, It’s funny time with HR

Each and every one of us need to laugh just to release the tension we accumulate each and every day.

This is why I bring these little moments of joy to the world,

some I find on the net in picture from (ok most) and some are the ongoing jokes I play or have played on co-workers and friends.

If just one person out there is able to chuckle at just one little, insignificant thing I post here then my day is almost fulfilled (there is still the food and napping thing to consider) so with out further a due I give you todays little burst of HAHA

First up would be a very telling insight to the MALE MIND……..(don’t worry, it’s a short story)

So there you have it folks, better than a decoder ring right…

next there is a small piece that was left out of this……(Probably the most important to a NEW relationship)

 

 

this one is for the “Players out there” who really don’t have a clue…

And now for the most blatant of all the questions to be released from the MALE MIND, through his mouth and streight to the ER room I bring you the #1 most though about question we could and would ask (mainly when drunk)

there you have it a glimpse into the MALE MIND as seen by HR Nightmare….

see ya

WAKE UP !!! It’s another haha moment

Q: Who do we all know like this?

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A:  Sparklebumps.

HR conversation I have had.

Lets take a little trip down memory lane shall we..

This is a flash back to a conversation I have had with the director of Human resources at a former place of employment.

I’ll start it off..

Me: Good morning Mr. Howard how are you today?

I’m Fine HR, we need to talk. (Yeah even then they called me HR)

Ok, I’m freed up right now. What’s going on?

HR we here have come to appreciate the jokes and your schananagins and most are amazing, but…

Wait is this about the new signage I put in the lady’s room ?

No, I didnt even know there was a new sign in the lady’s room.

OK, Is this about having the floor guys put a couple extra coats of wax on the floor, cause I paid the difference out-of-pocket..

Nope, didnt really notice that either, It’s about…

Ok, wait let me guess..  it was the way I wrote on the tp in the stalls to remember to wash your hands before returning to work, because that one I have to say isnt bad just a friendly reminder.. however the one that said smile for the camera probably wasnt to smart I’ll admit.

It had nothing to do with any of that, But I do appreciate you bringing these things to my attention… now let me finish.

Ok I’m listening go ahead.

We where going to give you the JESTER award this weekend and let you give a small speech on the importance of a fun-loving and joyful working enviroment, BUT we wont be able to.

Why not that sounds great, I would love to why can’t we?

Because after this conversation and bringing these things to my attention, you might be looking for a new job.

Are you sure? because there is some thing you should know.

Whats that?

Yesterday the big bosses where here too, and well they thought is was brilliant and keeps people on their toes.

So what does that mean??

Hi how are you, I need to speak to you about your performance review coming up.  I’m YOUR new boss.

So there you have it, When you make someone of authority laugh, you just might stand a chance in the up tight world.

Good by, good luck, and goodnight.