Words you cant unsay

H. R. NIGHTMARE

Advise from HRs memory

 
 
 
 
Alright, so I have had some time to think back and reflect on my younger years, now that my oldest has graduated high school and looking to make HIS mark on the world.
And I have come up with a few words of advise to pass along to the next generation…
 
#1. When the officer says “get down on the ground now !” and adds “OR ELSE!” Just get down, the or else part friggin hurts A LOT.
 
#2. While skateboarding, water ski style behind your best buddy’s pick up truck driving down the road at 60 mph, make sure there is enough rope that if he slams on the brakes and skids to a stop, you have time to go around the truck instead of through the back window. AND wear a helmet.
 
#3. If at all possible in your growing years try your best to NOT sleep with your best friends sister OR his mother. that really puts a strain on a friendship.
 
#4. While out for a fun filled evening with your buddy, do not get the bright idea to drive 2 states away in a 2 seat er car with 2 husky guys, 1 beanpole skinny mother-fucker and a miniature claustrophobic hulk boy with a bad temper and a short fuse. (the blood stains never come out of the upholstery)
 
and
 
#5. When shit doesn’t seem to go quite right and you think there is no one in the world who would understand, remember there is always some one who will just listen and not try to fix you.
 
and last but not least there is one more small tidbit of advise i shall pass on before saying byby
 
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Good luck everyone.
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June 28, 2012 Posted by | real world, Uncategorized | , , , , , | 29 Comments

Welcome back H.E. :)

Ok, so there has ben a presence missing out here in Blog-land.

That would be the notorious

H. E. Ellis

(hellis for short) or (pain in the ass)

I would like to be the first to welcome her back on this “top secret” road trip of hers to visit the home land of your first book entitled

Gods of Asphalt

As to inspire her second book she has entitled

(Title not yet completed) but we all just call it

Book II (2) that was for the non romans out there.

Her trip, from what I hear, was wonderful. She was able to stick to the outlined road map pretty well.

Here was the trip out to

Valentine Nebraska

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Now I know it seems a little askew from What one might do, But you have to realise a trip like this takes a lot of planning and time to visit the important things like.

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********Pictures to be inserted at a later time*********

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Now on the return trip the route that was taken was a little different from that of going out. See all the trips all over the east coast that she has takin, she never ended up see in the Great Lakes of these fine United States. there for she was able to catch a glimpse of not only Motor city, by the fine Great lakes as well. her return trip looked something like this.

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So again I would like to welcome H.E. back and I hope you will too.

Seeing as the pictures from the trip still need to be downloaded from the camera, and some slight editing to be done. Those will have to be a post for another day. ( She really is not a good picture taker)

Untill next time, Watch where you go (or dont) cause you might just find your there already.

June 26, 2012 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , | 38 Comments

Listen up kids, It’s funny time with HR

Each and every one of us need to laugh just to release the tension we accumulate each and every day.

This is why I bring these little moments of joy to the world,

some I find on the net in picture from (ok most) and some are the ongoing jokes I play or have played on co-workers and friends.

If just one person out there is able to chuckle at just one little, insignificant thing I post here then my day is almost fulfilled (there is still the food and napping thing to consider) so with out further a due I give you todays little burst of HAHA

First up would be a very telling insight to the MALE MIND……..(don’t worry, it’s a short story)

So there you have it folks, better than a decoder ring right…

next there is a small piece that was left out of this……(Probably the most important to a NEW relationship)

 

 

this one is for the “Players out there” who really don’t have a clue…

And now for the most blatant of all the questions to be released from the MALE MIND, through his mouth and streight to the ER room I bring you the #1 most though about question we could and would ask (mainly when drunk)

there you have it a glimpse into the MALE MIND as seen by HR Nightmare….

see ya

June 26, 2012 Posted by | Quicky, real world | , , , , , , , , | 15 Comments

Hulu, Netflix, HBO, Cinemax, TBS

This post has nothing to do with any of them.

I was just wondering how many people would jump on here due to the heading.

Now for the people who know me, or so they think, here’s the real reason why I am here…

Ms. Heellis, for you…

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Mr. HotSpur I give this to you my friend…

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My dear friend Ms. Megan… (just for a laugh)

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My dearest Ms. Bumps….

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I give this to you my NYC  fearless friend Sir El Guapo….

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 one of the newest ones here visiting this site, Forever Unknown.. ( i am narrowing down who you are by the way)

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as for all the others out there who swing over here when your out and about slumming, or just looking for a quick hook up this is for you…

Thank each and every one of you for striving to be original and just being you.. the world would be so boring without each and every one of you..

Gnight and enjoy the dark.

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HOLY CRAP…..   I forgot one I am so sorry I didnt even see you there

MR. B R A I N R A N T S…

This one is for you…

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Keep it real dude, and thanks for doing what you do.

June 16, 2012 Posted by | Quicky, real world | , , | 14 Comments

Today turned out pretty good.

hahahaha

gonna say this….

Goodnight.

June 14, 2012 Posted by | Quicky | , , , , | 8 Comments

2 Sparlebumps post 1day

After some very careful consideration I have decided to dedicate a second post to my dear friend http://sparklebumpsthebookwhore.wordpress.com/ Because lets face it she deserves it.

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I found this while Waiting for a laugh and then it struck me,

When I awoke a few moments later this is what I figured out,

* AND THEY BOTH WANT *

 http://sparklebumpsthebookwhore.wordpress.com/

Go check her out, we both know you want to.

😉

June 13, 2012 Posted by | Quicky | , , | 3 Comments

WAKE UP !!! It’s another haha moment

Q: Who do we all know like this?

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A:  Sparklebumps.

June 13, 2012 Posted by | practical jokes, Quicky | , , , , , , | 14 Comments

HEY WHAT GIVES ???

Alright people listen up, I have been watching that 9k mark creep twords the 10k make for hits on my blog.

That right I look so what? We all do it, there’s a good feeling when you hit a mile stone like 10,000 views.

I will tell you when I hit 500 i was impressed, I mean I say it all the time, I am not a writer. But when I hit 500 thanks to some pretty cool people out here I thought Nice their pervy funny people out here like my. But really when I see the 10k mark coming up I check that shit out every couple of hours. I promised my self that when I hit 10k, I would either rum down main steer in a bright yellow speedo with a 10-gallon hat on, OR pack it up and say my tearful good bye.

So I have concluded I have no clue why I’m even writing this other than say you are ALL a bunch of teases.

June 12, 2012 Posted by | practical jokes, Quicky | | 10 Comments

HR conversation I have had.

Lets take a little trip down memory lane shall we..

This is a flash back to a conversation I have had with the director of Human resources at a former place of employment.

I’ll start it off..

Me: Good morning Mr. Howard how are you today?

I’m Fine HR, we need to talk. (Yeah even then they called me HR)

Ok, I’m freed up right now. What’s going on?

HR we here have come to appreciate the jokes and your schananagins and most are amazing, but…

Wait is this about the new signage I put in the lady’s room ?

No, I didnt even know there was a new sign in the lady’s room.

OK, Is this about having the floor guys put a couple extra coats of wax on the floor, cause I paid the difference out-of-pocket..

Nope, didnt really notice that either, It’s about…

Ok, wait let me guess..  it was the way I wrote on the tp in the stalls to remember to wash your hands before returning to work, because that one I have to say isnt bad just a friendly reminder.. however the one that said smile for the camera probably wasnt to smart I’ll admit.

It had nothing to do with any of that, But I do appreciate you bringing these things to my attention… now let me finish.

Ok I’m listening go ahead.

We where going to give you the JESTER award this weekend and let you give a small speech on the importance of a fun-loving and joyful working enviroment, BUT we wont be able to.

Why not that sounds great, I would love to why can’t we?

Because after this conversation and bringing these things to my attention, you might be looking for a new job.

Are you sure? because there is some thing you should know.

Whats that?

Yesterday the big bosses where here too, and well they thought is was brilliant and keeps people on their toes.

So what does that mean??

Hi how are you, I need to speak to you about your performance review coming up.  I’m YOUR new boss.

So there you have it, When you make someone of authority laugh, you just might stand a chance in the up tight world.

Good by, good luck, and goodnight.

June 11, 2012 Posted by | Quicky, real world | , , , , , , , , | 10 Comments

Hello again, it…

Hello again, its me 🙂

This day of days, I am coming to you live from the streets of anywhere USA.

That right folks here I am, Now funny thing about here is I wasnt here just a moment ago.

 I was there.

I know quite the trick right, I mean how fast must one move to got from there to here. Watch I’ll do it again…

Did you see? Thats right you didnt. Super fast right. Well let me tell ya if there is one thing on the planet I have learned it’s that you can go from here to there, and there to here, but over-yander is every were at once. I know can you belive that? Every single place can be yander. When I first heard that I was in complete disbelief. I tested it and let me tell ya

 it   is   completely   true.

I shit you not. so, next time you say to someone who its over-yeander, don’t be surprized if they step closer to you.

and now that I have wasted you time (lost time not refundable) I Shall give you the Pic in wich you have come here for.

Good night, be safe and may you have the best of luck in what ever the hell you trying to do when you messed it up.

 

 

June 8, 2012 Posted by | practical jokes, Quicky | , , | 10 Comments