Eduardo Hotspurto and Salma Hayek’s Pizza Gone Wrong

You think you know Edward Hotspur? Well sit back and let me tell you a tale. Now some of you may know that Eddie here used to be a Pizza Delivery Bitch. I bet you didn’t know that he had secret dreams of being a porn star too? (but fell short). That’s right, he’d lay in bed, dreaming of the real life day when someone opened the door for pizza but asked for his pepperoni instead, not knowing all he had on him was a cocktail wiener (tell me again whose idea it was to invite me to this thing?)

Anyway, one day Eddie got lucky and managed to score a delivery to none other than his dream girl, Salma Hayek. Even though she ordered a vegetarian pizza, little did she know what she really got was double meat. He was so excited he almost fell off his bicycle.

Twice.

You can imagine his surprise when she came to the door in nothing but a slinky, silk nightgown. In a near perfect Spanish accent he said, “Hello, my name is Eduardo. Did you order a pizza, extra meat?”

“No,” she said, wrapping her robe tight around her. “I wanted a vegetable.”

Smiling wide he said, “Well, I was the smartest in my class, but I’ll fake it for you.”

“I do not understand,” Salma said, backing away slowly. “Why do you say you bring me meat?”

Believing this to be a cue, Eduardo Hotspurto dropped the pizza and then his pants. Pointing to his junk he said, “All women love HOT sausage, and I’ve got one that SPURts and is guaranteed to satisfy…”

Salma burst out laughing, but was intrigued none the less. “Alright, Gringo, I will give you a go. Why don’t you step inside and I will let you toss my dough.”

With that, Eduardo Hotspurto shot a load in the air like a rocket, nailing her right in the eye. Eddie was dressed and on his bike before Salma even knew what hit her. As he peddled down the road the sound of his semi-erect pecker smacking against the tire reminded him of baseball cards in the spokes and he promptly:

CLICK THE PIZZA BELOW IF YOU WANT EDDIE TO EAT A POUND OF BACON WHILE CRYING EMO TEARS OF MAN PAIN OR…

CLICK THIS PIZZA IF YOU WANT HIM TO TURN GAY AND BEGIN COLLECTING RAINBOW PISSING UNICORN FIGURINES

AGAIN, WHOSE BRIGHT IDEA WAS IT TO INVITE ME TO PARTICIPATE IN THIS THING???

 

If your offended by what your about to see, please call 1-800- get your head out of your ass it’s meant to be funny dill-hole

As most know, and I have stated WAY more than once I do not write well so I hide behind pictures and poke fun at, well everybody.

So to bring a smile to a few faces out there I look around the internet quite often and most of the day from my phone, Every so often I take a break from the normal sites where they know me on a first name basis and look at things OTHER then porn. Because lets face it, I’m still a guy. So I find these little haha moments in hopes that some one, some where will get a chuckle from them. So here we go kiddies hold on to your hair piece, Its gonna be a bumpy ride…,

TONIGHT THEME IS

THE MILITARY

Thats right the armed forces from all over..

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AND LAST BUT BY NO MEANS LEAST…

A MOMENT OF

SERENITY

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If I have caused ant undue issues in this post, well I really don’t care cause

I AIN’T HERE TO HELP.

good night, god bless and all that.

no really get out, leave, vamoosed, remove yourself from my air space, WHY are you still here? Do you understand you being here now at this moment in time is causing a paradox that will never be corrected… move people, I can not stress enough that at this exact moment in time in a parallel universe you are standing to close to that annoying car alarm, which in there universe is considered rock-n-roll and they do it to dance, but that’s not the point. Look I have been pretty nice up to this point but am starting to get angered. FINE, FINE your still here reading this at least do me the favor of taking a look at this if you insist on staying..

DO NOT CLICK ON THIS

you just had to be that guy??

Turn right at the oak

There is either someone or a few some ones out the that need some cheering up.

If your one, here you go

Never give up.

Find a moment to be silly,

Remember its ok to be lazy some days

and for the ladys out there, I have aranged for you all to have cake.

Here you go..

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hope this helps brighten the day a little.

oh almost forgot, for all you guys out there who had a bad day,

WAKE UP !!! It’s another haha moment

Q: Who do we all know like this?

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A:  Sparklebumps.

HEY WHAT GIVES ???

Alright people listen up, I have been watching that 9k mark creep twords the 10k make for hits on my blog.

That right I look so what? We all do it, there’s a good feeling when you hit a mile stone like 10,000 views.

I will tell you when I hit 500 i was impressed, I mean I say it all the time, I am not a writer. But when I hit 500 thanks to some pretty cool people out here I thought Nice their pervy funny people out here like my. But really when I see the 10k mark coming up I check that shit out every couple of hours. I promised my self that when I hit 10k, I would either rum down main steer in a bright yellow speedo with a 10-gallon hat on, OR pack it up and say my tearful good bye.

So I have concluded I have no clue why I’m even writing this other than say you are ALL a bunch of teases.

Hello again, it…

Hello again, its me 🙂

This day of days, I am coming to you live from the streets of anywhere USA.

That right folks here I am, Now funny thing about here is I wasnt here just a moment ago.

 I was there.

I know quite the trick right, I mean how fast must one move to got from there to here. Watch I’ll do it again…

Did you see? Thats right you didnt. Super fast right. Well let me tell ya if there is one thing on the planet I have learned it’s that you can go from here to there, and there to here, but over-yander is every were at once. I know can you belive that? Every single place can be yander. When I first heard that I was in complete disbelief. I tested it and let me tell ya

 it   is   completely   true.

I shit you not. so, next time you say to someone who its over-yeander, don’t be surprized if they step closer to you.

and now that I have wasted you time (lost time not refundable) I Shall give you the Pic in wich you have come here for.

Good night, be safe and may you have the best of luck in what ever the hell you trying to do when you messed it up.

 

 

GOA The best character

Some of you already know that H.E.Ellis has writin a book called

GODS OF ASPHALT

At this time I have been instructed to NOT give my one-sided opinion on WHO I think is the best character in this book, and I should leave it up to the reader to decide.

Well since it is her book I shall respect her wishes and not TELL you what I think. But since I’m such and ass I shall show you instead.

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There you have it, and it was never said..

 H.E.Ellis, now everyone will know that

RIVER   RULES  !!!

darn it i just said it.

30 SEC HAHA #1

* We are all screwed*

*Get it?*

I would like to take a second and remind people we still have brave solders over there.

It is up to us to thank them and remind them to not lose their sence of humor.

On a side note I would like to say

THANK YOU ALL WHO HAVE,  ARE,  OR WILL SERVE IN THE ARMED FORCES.

Now this is why I can’t be there.

see ya’ll soon

Quicky again

Ok only have a minute so skipping all the how ya doings

throwing a couple of pics up.Comment have fun write a story, whatever. gotta go.

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next one needs a comment line attached so make one up.

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Ok listen up people

Alright, Welcome to the new AND improved HRNightmare blog sight, where you get a face full of really (what I think is funny) loads of cow shit slapped you stupid crapola. OR something completely saine nd relevant to the real world.

Either way your here now and that is what’s important right?

When you stumbled through that door over there and tripped on the carpet, fell face first into the onion dip on the table and broke the bottle of 20-year-old scotch you brought with you….  well yeah your stuck here.

You’re in luck thou, I have nothing planned for the next 17 minutes. After that I’m going to start shooting bean bags at your crotch untill you leave.

Today I bring to you a couple of pics I found on the “Net” when i was supposed to be working.

First up a warning sign for all you Ladies out there, ok more of an It’s ok sign then a warning…

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This is the person you run into all the time and Mr. Nice guy’s out there LISTEN UP !!!

Women and some guy’s don’t even know your there. Just to let you know.

You, my friend, have been planted deeply in the friend zone and if you where wondering what that was? Let me show you now ( because I care )

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In case you where wondering, see that great big pit that you are being kicked into…  yeah !

That IS the friend zone. A deep dark pit that you shall never climb out of and destin to be in for the rest of your life.

You’re welcome.

Now that I have completely ruined your night/day/afternoon/morning what ever one suites you when you read this.

As if my telling you this wasnt bad enough Well you greedy little pain in the butt, I got more.

Thats right some of you may laugh your arse off, some may cry, you may wet yourself and others will run to shower turn it on as hot as it will go and dream of a happy place just to escape the crap you may or may not see here.

Seeing as you did find your way here and continued to read this even against doctors orders I would like to welcome you to New England.( Not better than old England, Just different. Hi Ms. {queen pissa} Megan)

This is where the Men are Men (and the sheep are scared) and the Women let us be Men(sometimes)

If we don’t like you we let out    Moosis  (that’s right I spelled it that way) off their leashes and make sure you leave.

Well except for Connecticut where you’ll find this instead..

I hate that fucking cat. Snoby as little fucker kept kicking me out of the state.

So where was I  ?  Oh yeah, so any way if you see a nice guys ladies, don’t be scared.

and guys if you talk to a ladies, you can expect to be kicked in the nuts and sent packing cause you suck.

AND IF YOU BELIVE ANYTHING IN THIS POST, YOU SHALL BE HIT ON THE SIDE OF THE HEAD BY A FLYING WAFFLE THAT SOME RICH DUDE TRON OUT THE WINDOW OF HIS LIMO AS HE STARED AND POINTED AT YOU SCREAMING ” I’M THROWING A WAFFLE AT YOU NOW STAND THERE AND TAKE YOU BIT..”

that’s all the time I have for today my close personal friends that I don’t owe money to so to clear your mind of the rambling bull crap I just put you through here is the nice pic  for the day..

* that’s a pretty kitty. But I just couldnt bare leaving you all saying aaahhh what a pretty kitty without finding some way to mess with the masses..

DO NOT LOOK       ***************  JUST***************

epic.