Words you cant unsay

H. R. NIGHTMARE

If your offended by what your about to see, please call 1-800- get your head out of your ass it’s meant to be funny dill-hole

As most know, and I have stated WAY more than once I do not write well so I hide behind pictures and poke fun at, well everybody.

So to bring a smile to a few faces out there I look around the internet quite often and most of the day from my phone, Every so often I take a break from the normal sites where they know me on a first name basis and look at things OTHER then porn. Because lets face it, I’m still a guy. So I find these little haha moments in hopes that some one, some where will get a chuckle from them. So here we go kiddies hold on to your hair piece, Its gonna be a bumpy ride…,

TONIGHT THEME IS

THE MILITARY

Thats right the armed forces from all over..

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AND LAST BUT BY NO MEANS LEAST…

A MOMENT OF

SERENITY

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If I have caused ant undue issues in this post, well I really don’t care cause

I AIN’T HERE TO HELP.

good night, god bless and all that.

no really get out, leave, vamoosed, remove yourself from my air space, WHY are you still here? Do you understand you being here now at this moment in time is causing a paradox that will never be corrected… move people, I can not stress enough that at this exact moment in time in a parallel universe you are standing to close to that annoying car alarm, which in there universe is considered rock-n-roll and they do it to dance, but that’s not the point. Look I have been pretty nice up to this point but am starting to get angered. FINE, FINE your still here reading this at least do me the favor of taking a look at this if you insist on staying..

DO NOT CLICK ON THIS

you just had to be that guy??

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September 7, 2012 Posted by | practical jokes, Quicky, real world | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Listen up kids, It’s funny time with HR

Each and every one of us need to laugh just to release the tension we accumulate each and every day.

This is why I bring these little moments of joy to the world,

some I find on the net in picture from (ok most) and some are the ongoing jokes I play or have played on co-workers and friends.

If just one person out there is able to chuckle at just one little, insignificant thing I post here then my day is almost fulfilled (there is still the food and napping thing to consider) so with out further a due I give you todays little burst of HAHA

First up would be a very telling insight to the MALE MIND……..(don’t worry, it’s a short story)

So there you have it folks, better than a decoder ring right…

next there is a small piece that was left out of this……(Probably the most important to a NEW relationship)

 

 

this one is for the “Players out there” who really don’t have a clue…

And now for the most blatant of all the questions to be released from the MALE MIND, through his mouth and streight to the ER room I bring you the #1 most though about question we could and would ask (mainly when drunk)

there you have it a glimpse into the MALE MIND as seen by HR Nightmare….

see ya

June 26, 2012 Posted by | Quicky, real world | , , , , , , , , | 15 Comments

The Chocolate didn’t work.

OK so if this is the way YOU woke up this morning you may want to rethink you apology technique.

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good luck

till next time

March 13, 2012 Posted by | Quicky, real world | , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Ok so as they say better late then never.

Seeing as I do not have 11 friends to forward this to, and the friends in the blog-o-spear have all ready completed this tag game question and answer section. I am to answer the questions I was asked by both Mr. Edward HotSpur and the lovely Ms. Megan.

First to be completed is Mr. HotSpur because it makes him feel awkward and I think that’s funny.

1) Explain what constitutes the universe, and give two examples.
Matter and I’m going with time and space.
2) What comes first, night or day?
Depends on where you start.
3) How many licks does it take?
1…2…3…Crunch. It takes 3 licks.
4) What’s your deepest darkest secret?
Not sure cant see it. Its to dark down here.
5) Have you ever done something that you regretted, or that was humiliating, and if so, what is it?
Yep, I prepaid that S+M dominatrix.
6) Do you consider yourself attractive?
Not really but the mirror disagrees with that answer.
7) How many partners have you had?
That I can remember. Only 1.
8) Where are you going with this?
All the way to the end.
9) Is there really any better flavor or smell than bacon?
Vanilla body spray from VS smells great and makes me hungry.
10) If you could have any superpower, but only one, what would it be?
Invisibility.
11) What is something that you think you should like, but you really hate?
Crapes.
Next up with 11 more great questions is a lovely young lady
from across the pond
Ms. Megan
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1.The best moment of your life?

I would have to say that the best moment was learing how to drive a front wheel drive manual transmission Geo             backwards doing donuts in the snow with a couple of friends.

2.The worst moment of your life?

When H.E.Ellis found out I was driving her Geo backwards doing donuts in the snow with a couple of friends.

3.If you could go back and change one thing what would it be?

I would have paid more attention in school so I could appreciate blogging more.

4.If you could go back and tell someone how you really felt when you didn’t, who would it be?

My father. There is a past there that well, kinda sucked.

5.If there was someone who you could tell how you really felt now who would it be?

I’m not sure. Probably Vincent Price, but H.E. ruined that one for me.

6.Your greatest achievement?

My 3 kids and the one on a rent-to-own plan.

7.Someone you wanted to be proud of you who weren’t?

One of my uncles. The nice one.

8.List the best people in your life right now.

That guy, him, her, that person and the one next to him. Oh, and my cat.

9.Your joy in life is…

Living, since I really didn’t think I would make it this far.

10.What you wish you could do but cannot?

Punch dance down the car pool lane wearing nothing but a speedo and smoking a cigar.

11.If I gave you an airline ticket for anywhere in the world were would you go?

Where you at again? And do you have a car pool lane?

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I hope this helps understand me a little more.

till next time

February 29, 2012 Posted by | Mouth moves faster then Brain, practical jokes, real world | , , , , , , , , , , | 29 Comments

Going for that “SPARKLE” Award

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Ode to SparkleBumps,

How do I lust for thee?

 Let me count the ways…

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1, Face to face

2, The amazon

3, The arc

4, The armchair

5, The deep one

6, The fusion

7, The hammock

8, The mill vanes

9, The mirror of pleasing

10, The put under one

11, The screw

Oh you can just pick up the book

till next time

February 28, 2012 Posted by | Quicky, real world | , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Almost worked.

Here we go again, 12/27 the returns
!!
So yeah, as some of you know I have a job working in retail.
let as recap the past week and a half,
Step 1, figure out what that special person wants. Category of the item desired
Step 2, Find out the gift for said person , What is it exactly they would love to have.
Step 3, Locate that perfect gift for that special person. Where can it be bought and is there enough
Step 4, Go to purchase the greatest gift ever. After fighting your way to the table and suffering a couple of bruises.
Step 5, Wrap that gift perfectly with a bow. Said persons favorite color paper and Santa splattered on it
Step 5, Tease them that they will never guess what it is. Don’t let them know that they picked it out.
Step 6, They open it a day after Christmas ( because you where with family ON Christmas)
That’s when the pain starts.
That special someone forces a smile and a over exaggerated
“It’s exactly what I wanted. “
Step 7, Find the receipt because her sister got her the same god dam present you did, and gave it to her the day BEFORE Christmas
Step 8, Hunt down the sist..  scratch that. Step 8a,Ttell her that’s fine and drive her to the store to return said gift and pick out something else.
Strep 9, Wait in line for over an hour with every other Man who thought of the same god dam thing you did,
” I give her this gift she will be so grateful I might just get lucky”.
Step 10, She gets what she wants, you get I’m sorry Hun but I promised my parents we would drive up and see them tonight
( which by the way is an hour drive one way )
Step 11, get home, have a shot, go to bed and hope for a better tomorrow.
Good night and good luck people.
By the way, This happend to Looch NOT HR.

December 28, 2011 Posted by | christmas, real world | , , , , , | 16 Comments

Faster then the speed of though

This is post asking, “Are you sure?” to everyone that has anything to say to you.

This is how it should work: ( Boss ) “Did you get those reports done yet?”

REPLY: “Are you sure you want THOSE reports?”

“Yes I want them and I want them now.”

“Are you sure you want them now?”

You get the point. This sounds all well and good. However, be aware of who you ask and when you ask. That is how it should have gone in my mind. This is the actual conversation that occurred.

BRUCE: “Did you get those reports done yet?”

ME: “Are you sure you want THOSE reports?”

BRUCE: “Yes I want the friggin reports! Why the hell would I have asked for them if I didn’t want them? What are you? A friggin’ idiot? What the hell is wrong with you? When I tell you I want something I want it done 10 minutes before I ask! Get over there, finish the prints and bring them to me NOW! I do not ever want to have this conversation again! Understood!?!”

OK I couldn’t resist at this point.

ME: “Are you sure you don’t want to have this conversation again?”

Que slamming door and BOOM.

And so yet again there is another installment of MOUTH MOVES FASTER THAN BRAIN. There will probably be a follow up to this called “I’m writing you from the line at the unemployment office.” Stay tuned.

see ya’ll,

HR.

December 18, 2011 Posted by | Mouth moves faster then Brain, practical jokes, real world | , , , , , , , , , , , | 10 Comments